Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Should the Past Be the Past?

I was checking my FEEDJIT Live Traffic option and found a very curious search to get to my blog. Basically, the search was "dealing with my girlfriend's past, black guys." I found that quite interesting. I would make the assumption that the person doing the search was not black. Then it got me thinking, when in a relationship, should the past be the past? What do you NEED to know regarding someone you are having a relationship with? Does the type of relationship you have present the deciding factor on what information needs to be put out there (if any)?

Most men I know, do not want to know. I guess this is another case of me being "The Exception" because I am naturally curious. Of course it starts when you are getting to know each other and you may ask questions such as "what do you look for in a person?"; "had any long term relationships?"; "have you ever been with a woman?"; "am I the 'biggest' man you have been with?" (Okay, referring back to my blog "Female Teachers Gone Wild or Crazy", that third question is because it is in our male DNA to think that. And fellas, that last question, you really don't want to know the answer to that one unless you can star in your own porn movies.)

I have come to find out that if the person you are with is willing to tell you (on their own) all the deep dark secrets and show you the bones in their closet, they want to be up front and open with you. They do not want anything from their past to come up and be misconstrued as something that it is not. Take it for what it is worth, this person might see you as "The One" and don't want to lose you by hiding anything from you. You, as a man, should come clean too if she is willing to let you know about things before you.

Some men cannot take that the fact that this person in their life might have actually had a life before them. Look at yourself before you attempt to judge another (which you should not do anyway). I have said this before and I will say it again, women are sexual beings just like men. They have needs and urges just like us. Sometimes those things might be outside of our realm of thinking but remember they are with you now and sharing everything with you now.

Of course, I cannot speak for every relationship. This is only what I know personally. So the question is, should the past be the past? Women who might see this, do you want to know the past of your man (or woman)? (Yes, I went there again, I told you it is in our DNA.) Would you tell your man on your own about everything? What makes you decide to tell him?


  1. It's funny that you posted this because Carlos & I debate about "our" past. Not anything that has happened beyond our marriage (even though he knows all about that) but just our past as a couple. Yes, I believe the past should be the past, no matter what. I'm happy to share my past with him, granted that he doesn't use it against me. Visa versa. I want to know about his past because I share my life with him. I'm not going to use that part of his life again him because that was a life before me. My thing is, I want to know because later on in life, I don't want any "ghosts" or skeletons from his past haunting our current relationship.

  2. You're exactly right in everything you said. I have learned from past relationships, that you know how much you can tell and how much you can't. Some guys can't accept the fact that we had a life before them, and when you start telling them stuff, then they realize maybe they reallllly didn't want to know all of your past, lol. Or here's another thought... maybe we tell them ALL about our past to see how much shock value we can give them, and see if they stick around. Hey, the best way to see what they are about is to tell them some crazy stuff you've done and that sometimes will determine how long they stick around. :)