Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Is It Worth The Effort?

It has been an interesting couple of days for me. Not to go into a lot of details, I found out that someone close to me was holding a secret. I will admit that the items with that secret was because of something I have done in the past.

In a decision that was mutually agreed upon to move on and work on what was important, it seems that this person who is close to me was holding onto things that, in my opinion, would not allow complete closure of the past. I had let go of all of my items of the past regarding this person that I felt was equivalent to my deeds.

Basically, I put total and blind trust into the situation and put in some work to make amends for my part and repair something that was broken. I still had some steps to go to make it be more perfect but that would have come over time.

Outside influences were the culprit in the past but I let my insecurities go. This person close to me however, did not. When it was revealed, I was devastated because it seems that all the work I put in was for nothing. (I am no saint by any means but the effort was sincere.) The past wasn't the past. It was still up front in full and vivid color (perhaps). How can you move on if you continue to hold PHYSICAL reminders of the past? Possessing those physical reminders will continue to spark a reliving the bad memories of the past.

They just didn't understand that I felt like I was not getting anywhere. I would always be the imperfect (not that anyone is perfect) and damaged person. Even though I was not aware of this issue until days ago, it made me feel like a fool for even trying and asking myself "is it worth the effort?" It is like I was in a hole and trying to climb out and someone throwing dirt on top of me (even though it was said that none of my deeds were being thrown back in my face). I just felt that I was never going to get out of this hole.

Going back to my blog from a couple of days ago about the truth setting you free seems to apply to this unfortunate situation. Even with my antics and behavior, I still believe that if it is something that might "bite you in the butt" at a later date to be upfront about it. Maybe that is hypocritical of me but this was supposed to be a clean slate. It is easier to "forgive and forget" than to "forgive and regret."

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Addendum to The Truth Will Set You Free?

The addendum to my post is that the truth will set you free if you tell the truth before someone finds out that it is a lie or omission of fact.

An omission of fact is the same as if you are telling a big fat lie. I guess I was telling one myself for years. I am just as guilty. No sugar coating it. That was me BIG FAT LIAR.

My stomach has been doing knots all week and I have been holding it in so much that now I have made myself sick about it. I guess that is my pennace.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Truth Will Set You Free?

I remember Esther on the television show used to tell Fred Sanford that "the truth will set you free" She is always referring to him as a heathen because he doesn't live his life in the way she lives his. Is that really true though? Will the truth set your free?

I know everyone has things that they do not talk about to other people to spare their feelings or to spare your own. Is always laying things on the table the best for everyone? Have you ever told a friend something that you felt that they needed to know even if it doesn't affect you directly? Even if it will hurt them in the end?

Life is full of choices that we all have to make from time to time. Some good and some bad. Weighing the options and doing what is best for you and/or them at the time those decisions need to be made.

Is there always room for second chances? Sure. But are we willing to accept that the decisions made the first time will not happen again? I guess it depends on the type of person that you are.

So the question again - will the truth set you free?