Saturday, March 28, 2009

Confused....The Unconfused Remix


Yesterday was truly an interesting day. I didn't expect anything and got everything. There was one exit ramp to the "scenic route" that was open. I found myself pulling over and wondering if I should go there or continue on my "interstate" trek and make things happen.

I decided to put the top down - a metaphor for letting down my guard - and slowly proceeding down the off ramp. Things are beautiful so far on the "scenic route" but I am going to take it slow and enjoy everything about the route but also try to get to my destination as soon as possibly.

Openness is the key to making any relationship work whether it be work or social. Just keep the lines of communication open and whether it is good or bad news so the other will not be left wondering "what in the heck is going on?" later when the walls come tumbling down. A dumb question is one that is not asked as well on the others part. We all need to keep that one in mind.

I am still on My Journey. Waiting for a few things to happen to get me there but although my initial itinerary has changed, the destination is the same.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Confused

Today is a pretty good day. Got to chit chat with a few friends and I am still putting my plan into motion to make a life better for ME. I do feel that I am on the correct path for My Journey. However, I came up on a fork in the road last night that I didn't anticipate and I find myself still standing at this morning after. Even after consulting my "map", I am a little confused.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "confused" as - 1 a: being perplexed or disconcerted (i.e. the confused student); b: disoriented with regards to one's sense of time, place, or identity (i.e. the patient became confused); 2: Indistinguishable (i.e. a zigzag, crisscross, confused trail - Harry Hervey); 3: being disordered or mixed up (i.e. a contradictory or confused story). Although, I am on the path of My Journey, I do not feel that my confusion is related to the definition 2 (a confused trail). I think that I am more of definition number 1.

As I sat to gather my thoughts for this blog and I decided to play some music. The first song to come on is "Say Yes" by Floetry. Is someone trying to tell me something? Hello! Hello! There is more confusion now that I had earlier. Then I hit next and "All This Love" by DeBarge came on. Hey! Is this thing on? A little help down here!

To me, both paths at the fork lead to the same destination. It just depends on whether you want to travel the "scenic route" by the ocean or the bland existence of the "interstate"(that always seems to have exits back to the scenic route). LOL. I thought that was very clever.



The question I guess is which is truly the more miserable path? Would you rather take the "scenic route" that although great to explore, it may seem like it takes a longer time to get to the destination you want. Or do you take the "interstate" where it is boring with no excitement but seems just as long because there is nothing to break the monotony? I am sure others will have different interpretations but for the decision at hand, these choices work for me for the situation at hand and from my perspective.

You will not believe it but in the time it took me to write this blog entry, I have found that I do not have to decide which path I should take. It has been decided for me already. I will stay on the interests (and I get the impression that all the exits to the "scenic routes" as well are closed as well).

Happy Motoring to all and don't forget to fuel up. Don't know when the next stop will be.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Blessed Sunday...With Even More Questions

Today was a great day to celebrate life and the fact that I have God in my life. Could he be more in my life? Most definitely. I was very moved by the Message today in church. The church home that I have found has opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. I have always known and believed there is a greater power in life and I am slowly asking more questions to make sure that I am on the path that I know I need to be on.

I have done things that I know that are not right in the Eyes of the Lord. I always believed in man's free will and that God will always be there to catch us when we "fall". I also felt that God, no matter how much it may appear to be against his Word, guides us to the people, situations, and circumstances that we all run into in our Journeys. Kind of a "having your cake and eating it too" way of thinking I supposed. Definitely not saying that God lead me to do a bad thing. But that good or bad, there is a reason why He has put me here. I do not think He does it to "test" me - he does not have time for games such as that.


I ask myself to be a Christian Black Man, what do I have to change about me? Do I stop listening to old school Hip Hop and Rap music that may have lyrics that you certainly wouldn't play in church? Do I not listen to a comedian that tells a dirty joke and laugh? Do I not watch a movie that have sexual themes and nudity (not porn nudity)? Simple questions but a stupid question is one that does not get asked. Does that make you a bad Christian if I partake of any of that above? Do you have to ask for forgiveness every time you feel like you might have gone against God's Word? So many questions.

Yesterday and today, a fleeting thought, that perhaps anyone else would be find meaningless, had me in tears. Why is that? Is that God telling me something? Am I just too dang sensitive? LOL. I don't know.

The answers are there. I look to Him to continue to guide me and protect me as I take this path in My Journey.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Fear of Being Forgotten

This has been on my mind for the last few days but couldn't get my thoughts together and even now they may be a rambling mess so my apologies.

Have you ever been a part of something so good that you wish that feeling was with you every moment in your day? Whether it was an event, a team effort, or even a relationship. You always hope that you will be remembered as being a part of that great thing. Of course sometimes those good things come to an end whether you want them to or not.

You keep close to you the memories that made you smile, laugh, or give you that warm feeling inside. Then as times passes, you hope to get that "greatness" back but it may not be attainable at that exact moment but with that comes the fear of being forgotten too. Nobody wants to be forgotten. Oh you will try to return to that place that was good but in the process, you hope your memory does not fade away.

There was a time that I was a lot of "firsts" to someone. Those "firsts" were always good things so I hold those dear to me and I always wanted to continue to have those "firsts". But with time and circumstance come change and the opportunity to be those "firsts" is not there anymore. You always hope that the memory of you will always be there whether it is an inanimate thing such as a card, a scent, or a nickname you were called. You then hope that there is no one else that will become the holder of those "firsts".

All you can do is hope and pray that while you are getting back to that place that you feel you are meant to be, that you are not forgotten and those memories do not fade away.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

AIG Needs to See the Rage

This is one of those moments that you have to say WTF? So let me get this right - You organization's stock is down almost 98% of what it was worth? You get an infusion of $170 billion to keep you afloat by the federal government which is really people like myself Mr. Taxpayer? Then you give the people that made the HORRIBLE decisions that put the company in the toilet $165 million in bonuses? You have got to be kidding me. REALLY?



I know the man plays it cool but maybe Barack needs to be a little more like this on this AIG matter. Let's take a lesson from Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock.



I bet AIG would smell what Barack was cooking if he went off on them like that.

I have heard this excuse by other companies that you reward these people because they are the best in their field and you want to keep them on board to keep another company from stealing them and their talents. THAT IS TOTAL BULLZHIT! What talent?

Hey big time CEOs. It is bad all over. These people are not going to jump ship because you don't give them a bonus because there is no where else to go. Nobody is hiring except at McDonald's.

So since as of yesterday, the AIG stock was worth less than a dollar, maybe they need to go work at a place with a dollar menu because they certainly can't handle any more than that.



Your thoughts on it all?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Rain Rain Go Away

It is raining today (unfortunately). Although you can look at as replenishment like hydrating the Earth to continue to make all living things thrive and grow, I am seeing it as source of slowing and bogging things down a little like having to reduce your speed while driving. I guess depending on your mood today - it is a good thing or a "bad" thing.


Today is one of those days that I wish the rain was far away from me because I feel bogged down. Don't get me wrong, I still am on the high from yesterday but when things slow down - gives you way too much time to reflect on things. I am coping though with the strength of Him.

But I personally I like the sun. Feeling that warmness on my skin is good for the soul. I don't have many joys in life these days but the simple ones are the ones I cherish the most. So rain, go away and come back some other day. Give me the heat of the sun to replace the warmth that I have lost.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A New Day...His Day

Well today was so much better than yesterday. Still experiencing the DT's but got an overabundant shot of the Lord this morning and it took my pain away for the time being. Those of you that haven't had a taste need to get on that stuff, it takes you on a "high" that is truly amazing.

I have been so busy with work the last month that I missed going to church for several weeks. I felt so down for the last week that I really needed that "fix". He is truly great. Sent out some special prayer requests this morning for a few people that I know having some issues in their lives and I feel everyone will pull through fine. AC, DW, and KW - you will be blessed and I hope everyone who needs it will feel His love and guidance.

I am not one to talk about my religious experiences all out in the open but today was a very good day. Maybe I don't show all my love for Him because I still don't quite fully understand it all but I am learning at my own pace with no pushing and pulling (like when you are made to go to church when you are a child). Not picking on my parents but I think they needed a break after Saturday with my brother and I for a few hours when we were kids. LOL.

I am taking it day by day to see what else he has in store for me. He is clearly the GPS for My Journey and I hope that I follow his directions for me closely and accurately.

Happy Sunday to all.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Freakin' Day One.....

They always say the first day is the hardest. Whoever said that is a big freakin' liar. This is something short of torture. Probably unknown to many people, I pray ever day at some point of the day whether it be hoping someone gets over an illness to thanking Him for the opportunities and blessing he has given me. I am truly leaning on Him for the last week probably more than I have in a very long time. Although I don't think I am asking for a lot - just a little guidance. I feel like I am asking for the world.


With a little help from my friends and the passage of time, I hope that the aching will subside. Not to make light of any illness or injury but could someone knock me in the head so I might get amnesia or a sudden case of dementia or Alzheimer's so maybe all the good memories will fade so it doesn't hurt so much any more.
Almost like trying to kick an addiction People always see an addiction as something bad. This was the exception to that rule of thought.

Well let's hope Daryl can keep his sanity. There is precedence that I might do something extremely off the wall. (That is an inside joke.)

Friday, March 13, 2009

Always Making the Tough Decisions...

Again, I do not usually use this forum for my own personal baggage but just like the theme of my blog, I write about My Journey and the things that make me Daryl. I always hope that someone who does take the time to read it will understand me better as a person. I write on matters that I feel strongly about and inspire me to express my thoughts.

I have one of those jobs that sometimes you have to make the tough decisions. some of them harder than others. I may have to discipline a co-worker to the point that they lose a job, tell a guest or visitor that they can't have something, or send someone to the court system because they have broken a rule in "My House". (Reference the mantra of my department "Protect This House").

After a little soul searching I had to make another hard choice. Truly letting something go.

I am sure that everyone has met that person that is the light in your day. Someone that adds some meaning in your life that you never knew that you missed until they stepped into it. Someone who is a teacher without even knowing thety are teaching you anything. Well I (with sheer good luck) had a person like that.

Unfortunately, after some time and some soul searching of their own, things changed. I am not one who begs and pleads for someone to want me and I never will. Not because I am cocky or think that I am all that - very far from it. I just believe if someone wants to be around me for me, in some part, nothing else matters. Now, that person has a perfectly good reason for their change (which I totally accept and truly understand). There are some fights that you do not even try to get into because you will know the outcome.

I never want to "vilified" for the choices regarding me. If I am not seen as good for someone mentally, physically, or spiritually, there is no reason to be a part of that person. Love and affection is supposed to be a good thing if I remember correctly. No matter how good, sane, and true an argument is, however, the last thing you would want is to feel is that everything that was - was actually the work of something sinister. No matter how much it is explained to me, I guess I cannot see the forest through the trees. The simple fact that I cannot get around that makes me feel even more lacking in spiritual understanding because I can justify how things came to be and point out that I am not alone in a situation (although a little different).

By no means are minds going to be changed by this entry. Not even my goal. This is something that I just felt strongly enough to put on "paper". So with that I will refer back to my blog of yesterday, "Just Not My Week..." and leave it at that. Another tough decision.

Praying that those who have found love can hold onto it - together.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Just Not My Week....

This just does not seem to be my week for relationships. People seem to be exiting my immediate life this week. Got some news yesterday that one of my friends was parting ways. I did not see it coming whatsoever just like the first one earlier this week. Twice in one week, you have people that have some part in defining who you are or could be making an exit? Hope the week ends quickly before anyone else makes a run for the door.

Both were total surprises. Both seemed like they would be much longer term relationships. Both were people I respected and always felt that I could learn something from. Both had a part to drive me to be a better person and what I do in life.

Although I have more than enough strength to go on alone, it is hard to find people that affect your life like that. I will take the knowledge that I have learned from these two individuals and continue on my journey.

So with that thought, I bid them both Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehen, Shalom , Salam, Farvel, 再见, Hyvästi, Valete, Arrivederci, Ja ne, Adiós, Goodbye.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Meeting Jesse Jackson and US Congressman John Lewis

This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting two Civil Rights pioneers in the course of my duties at work, The Reverend Jesse Jackson and US Congressman John Lewis. Both of these men were attending the US Congressional Delegation Civil Right Pilgrimage in the area (Birmingham, Montgomery, and Selma).

Other notable people where in attendance this past weekend but these two stuck out due to all the history I had read and seen over the years on the struggle that allowed me to be where I am today. I will not concede that I was given anything because I worked hard to be in the position I am today. But I will thank them for the door that they help push open so I would have the opportunities to show people (who might not think a Black man could excel) that I can do the job and probably even better.



To put it in my own words from what I gathered from the speeches and conversations that I heard over the weekend, we must take responsibility for what we say and do in the raising of our next generation. We must make sure that they are educated and possess the characteristics that will have them move forward in life and continue to progress of not being seen as the second class citizen before the struggle to achieve equality. We must do what we can to inspire those who feel that there is no future or hope and open their eyes to see that there are better things in life. Not necessarily material things, but the fulfilment of dreams. If we do not take that task wholeheartedly, we fail them and we fail ourselves. Your heroes and mentors should be those who give something back to society to make a difference and not because they have a great jump shot, fastest 40, or most RBIs. (I am not hating on professional athletes but like I have always said, they are overpaid for kid's games).

I will admit that I have lived a "sheltered" life where I never saw much out right blatant racism so I hold those words to be not necessarily for Black people but for ALL people. Oppression in any form is an ugly blistering infected sore of humanity. We do have a cure for it though. Are you up to it?

Monday, March 9, 2009

All Work and No Play Makes Daryl a Dull Boy

I don't normally use this venue to document the happenings of my EVERYDAY life but inspiration hit me this morning and just felt the need to put it on "paper".

It has been a hectic two weeks at work. Ty Pennington, a slew of US Congressmen and Congresswomen, a contingent of Federal Police Officers and Special Agents, and various VIP's that graced us with the opportunity to give them a glimpse of the hospitality of Montgomery. Also, the dealing with additional safety enhancements being made to the building to make it safer for the guests and associates was being put into place and is ongoing.

I found myself in a position that I did not think that I would be when I took this job - WORKING ALL THE TIME like I did with my old job. Don't get me wrong, I am going to do what it takes to make sure that the mission is complete and I do enjoy my work. But I find myself unfulfilled because I was not able to enjoy any interests outside of work and I always wonder how much that deteriorates everything else. In worrying about stuff outside of work, I put more of myself into work to keep myself busy to not worry about stuff outside of work. Doesn't make a bit of sense, I know.

Well I hope that over the next few days I will be able to get some rest and spend some time on those matters that I hold dear to me and get back on track.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What is wrong with Fox News? Redux

Is Fox News run by a bunch of inept bunch of ULTRA CONSERVATIVE Republicans or something? Everything else going on in the world and they jump on Vice President Biden not remembering a website address?