Friday, March 13, 2009

Always Making the Tough Decisions...

Again, I do not usually use this forum for my own personal baggage but just like the theme of my blog, I write about My Journey and the things that make me Daryl. I always hope that someone who does take the time to read it will understand me better as a person. I write on matters that I feel strongly about and inspire me to express my thoughts.

I have one of those jobs that sometimes you have to make the tough decisions. some of them harder than others. I may have to discipline a co-worker to the point that they lose a job, tell a guest or visitor that they can't have something, or send someone to the court system because they have broken a rule in "My House". (Reference the mantra of my department "Protect This House").

After a little soul searching I had to make another hard choice. Truly letting something go.

I am sure that everyone has met that person that is the light in your day. Someone that adds some meaning in your life that you never knew that you missed until they stepped into it. Someone who is a teacher without even knowing thety are teaching you anything. Well I (with sheer good luck) had a person like that.

Unfortunately, after some time and some soul searching of their own, things changed. I am not one who begs and pleads for someone to want me and I never will. Not because I am cocky or think that I am all that - very far from it. I just believe if someone wants to be around me for me, in some part, nothing else matters. Now, that person has a perfectly good reason for their change (which I totally accept and truly understand). There are some fights that you do not even try to get into because you will know the outcome.

I never want to "vilified" for the choices regarding me. If I am not seen as good for someone mentally, physically, or spiritually, there is no reason to be a part of that person. Love and affection is supposed to be a good thing if I remember correctly. No matter how good, sane, and true an argument is, however, the last thing you would want is to feel is that everything that was - was actually the work of something sinister. No matter how much it is explained to me, I guess I cannot see the forest through the trees. The simple fact that I cannot get around that makes me feel even more lacking in spiritual understanding because I can justify how things came to be and point out that I am not alone in a situation (although a little different).

By no means are minds going to be changed by this entry. Not even my goal. This is something that I just felt strongly enough to put on "paper". So with that I will refer back to my blog of yesterday, "Just Not My Week..." and leave it at that. Another tough decision.

Praying that those who have found love can hold onto it - together.

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