Saturday, February 7, 2009

How Can You Tell She Loves You? Don't Wait for the Other Shoe...

Today, I was chatting with an online friend of mine. He is not one of my closest friends but I guess I was the only one online at the time so he needed to vent. We do not talk a lot so we have to do a lot of catch up when we happen to be online at the same time.

We were talking about relationships and how to make them work. One of the questions that popped up was - "how can I tell if she loves me?" He is not an insecure man at all from what I know about him - college educated and working on another degree, got his own place and car, no baby mama drama (meaning he doesn't have any children running around out there), and a good job with potential for growth. So needless to say, that question kind of took me by surprise. I told him the same answer that I told my brother when he was thinking about asking his now wife to marry him - "it is different for everyone." But I told him that for myself, it is the little things that show how much you care.

I am a simple guy so little thought is required for me. One does not have to go through any over the top display for me, the simple fact that you thought about me makes me feel good. No, I am not desperate, just try to keep it simple. I hate to brag on myself but there was a very appealing woman seeking my attention last night while I was working but there would have been dire consequences on many fronts if I opened that box - no pun intended.

An invitation - a date, to come over, to get some "shuga" - yes I said "shuga" not sugar; an initiation - to touch, to kiss, to plan an event, to take a trip, to make love, to drop a line or make a call; a sharing - of their dreams, of their thoughts; of their life. Well for a simple guy, I might be more difficult than I thought after I wrote it. LOL. As long as I do not feel all the effort of the relationship is from my end, I feel loved. I guess my problem is that I do not assume anything. I think it comes from the job really - "just the facts ma'am, nothing but the facts".

Call it crazy that I think that way. If someone, who you are in a deep relationship with, takes time out of what they are doing to let you know that you are on their mind and they gain absolutely nothing from it, it is a good thing.

Then he drop some more on me. The relationship, in his opinion and heart, was going good, but it was too good to be true. I guess he was going on that old saying, "if it looks too good to be true, then it is." I will have to admit that I have been there a time or two. Waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I always remember when everything was all exciting and new and PERHAPS maybe the "newness" wore off on her before me and then things change. You cannot judge a brand spanking new relationship with one that is several months or years old. I had to learn that lesson myself. Some have called me a romantic at heart so I guess I am one of those guys that loves that newness and want to keep it alive with that person all the time along with building something stable and sustainable with them at the same time. Not always the easiest task but it takes a little effort sometimes.

I am no psychologist or anything like that but all I could do was tell him that if you think that way, you will never enjoy the love of this person.

What do you think? This goes for both sexes - what indicates to you that the person you are with loves you?

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