Friday, April 2, 2010
And the Father Is?
I am going to tell you a little story and see what you think about it?
I have a friend who has a kid. He married the child's mother so it is really his stepchild and has been for quite some time. Even years before he married the child's mother, he was there for the mother and the child. He has clothed this child, fed this child, taken the child to doctor's appointments and school functions, and all the other things a "real" parent is supposed to do. He remembers when the child was much younger and the "biological" father would make plans to pick the child up to spend time and would never show up. The child would be upset for days and my friend could not understand why because he (for all intensive purposes) has been the "father" and the child was crying for someone that she didn't even know. It upset him probably just as much as it upset the child.
Now, the child's "biological" father does not live in the area and hasn't for years. He has a "new family". He almost never calls to check up on the child. He doesn't pay ANY child support at this time. He doesn't have shared custody. The "biological" has family where my friend lives and when he is in town, he doesn't come and visit his child and when he does, it is for minutes. All communication with the "biological" seems to be initiated by the child. My friend and the child's mother has NEVER hindered this child to talk to or visit the "biological." My friend has tolerated the "biological" when he decides to be a "father" when it is convenient to him. - his M.O. for years.
Now, let's up skip to yesterday evening. My friend tells me that he and the child's mother are disciplining his stepchild because the child is on restriction. The child just so happens to be on the phone, which was actually breaking one of the terms of the restriction, with the "biological" father and the "biological" must have heard it over the phone. The stepchild gets off the phone and the phone is taken away. A voicemail alert comes up and my friend decides to listen to the message. Can you guess who it was? It was the "biological" telling him how he should not be talking to his child like that and if he has a problem with that to contact him and talk to him like that. What the fuck?
This man has decided now to TRY to flex his long lost parental power. My friend could not believe it. The nerve of him telling him how to run his household. The "biological" didn't even hear that the child's mother was talking too but just because my friend's voice was louder, that is all he heard through the phone. It sounded like the "biological" is calling out the man that stepped up to be "the man" for the child that he basically "abandoned".
My friend is not wanting to get into a bullshit contest with this man even though he is right. (Or at least I believe he is.) He is trying not to become a wedge in between this man and his "abandoned" child. The biological's actions was so disturbing and upsetting that it took everything for the child's mother to keep from telling this child the "real deal and truth" about their father which is some harsh stuff. There has never been any baby mama/baby daddy drama in this blended family before.
Why do some men do this? They don't do anything for a child they fathered but want to lash out at the man that stepped up to be the man they can't seem to be for that child.