Get Ahead and Take Two Steps Back? Hell Naw!

This was an entry I wrote on 02/08/09 but never published until now. Well my friend has hit me up again regarding the subject so I felt I had to publish it.

This must be the weekend where I have become Dr. Phil or something. (Referring to my entry "How Can You Tell She Loves You? Don't Let the Other Shoe... ") I had another friend hit me up today that I do not hear from all that often seeking my advice on a romantic situation.

My friend was, for all intensive purposes, "left at the altar". He and this woman lived together for a while in Atlanta but broke up. Then she contacted him some time later wanting to get married and have him come move in with her in Mississippi. He had quit his job and packed his stuff all in anticipation of going away with her. Well as you can probably figure that, marriage didn't happen.

He then moves away to North Carolina to start fresh. I hate it for him because he does not have the structure of friends as he did in Georgia. His brother is up there in North Carolina but he has a whole laundry list of issues going on that I rather not divulge.

She contacts him again wanting to come live with him. Now my friend is starting over again. He has found the graciousness of a fellow church member to let him stay with him until he can get on his feet - which he is really not ready to do at this time. She wants him to set up household for her to come there to be with him. Then wants him to meet her in Atlanta to bring her up to North Carolina.

I asked him, why can't she make the whole trip herself? If she wants to be with him then she will make a way. She has money coming in due to a disability (I don't know what it is but I think it has something to do with her back). Maybe I am wrong but I said to him, you do not need to take a step backwards like that. Someone once told me to never take a step backwards to an EX. I mean it is one thing if they broke up for a day or even a week but we are talking over a year right now. If she really wants to make a life with him, she can send some money for him to make a home for them prior to her arrival. She can make the trip to prove she wants to be there with him after leaving him hanging in Georgia.

Love or the promise of love can make you do strange things. Growing up with him, I didn't see him have the best luck with women. As an adult for many years, we were not in contact with each other so I do not know if his luck changed too much (but he does have two children by two different women).

Am I just being too cynical? I am a romantic and believe in love but I also DO NOT believe in being a chump or a sucker over it.

How Can You Tell She Loves You? Don't Wait for the Other Shoe...

Today, I was chatting with an online friend of mine. He is not one of my closest friends but I guess I was the only one online at the time so he needed to vent. We do not talk a lot so we have to do a lot of catch up when we happen to be online at the same time.

We were talking about relationships and how to make them work. One of the questions that popped up was - "how can I tell if she loves me?" He is not an insecure man at all from what I know about him - college educated and working on another degree, got his own place and car, no baby mama drama (meaning he doesn't have any children running around out there), and a good job with potential for growth. So needless to say, that question kind of took me by surprise. I told him the same answer that I told my brother when he was thinking about asking his now wife to marry him - "it is different for everyone." But I told him that for myself, it is the little things that show how much you care.

I am a simple guy so little thought is required for me. One does not have to go through any over the top display for me, the simple fact that you thought about me makes me feel good. No, I am not desperate, just try to keep it simple. I hate to brag on myself but there was a very appealing woman seeking my attention last night while I was working but there would have been dire consequences on many fronts if I opened that box - no pun intended.

An invitation - a date, to come over, to get some "shuga" - yes I said "shuga" not sugar; an initiation - to touch, to kiss, to plan an event, to take a trip, to make love, to drop a line or make a call; a sharing - of their dreams, of their thoughts; of their life. Well for a simple guy, I might be more difficult than I thought after I wrote it. LOL. As long as I do not feel all the effort of the relationship is from my end, I feel loved. I guess my problem is that I do not assume anything. I think it comes from the job really - "just the facts ma'am, nothing but the facts".

Call it crazy that I think that way. If someone, who you are in a deep relationship with, takes time out of what they are doing to let you know that you are on their mind and they gain absolutely nothing from it, it is a good thing.

Then he drop some more on me. The relationship, in his opinion and heart, was going good, but it was too good to be true. I guess he was going on that old saying, "if it looks too good to be true, then it is." I will have to admit that I have been there a time or two. Waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I always remember when everything was all exciting and new and PERHAPS maybe the "newness" wore off on her before me and then things change. You cannot judge a brand spanking new relationship with one that is several months or years old. I had to learn that lesson myself. Some have called me a romantic at heart so I guess I am one of those guys that loves that newness and want to keep it alive with that person all the time along with building something stable and sustainable with them at the same time. Not always the easiest task but it takes a little effort sometimes.

I am no psychologist or anything like that but all I could do was tell him that if you think that way, you will never enjoy the love of this person.

What do you think? This goes for both sexes - what indicates to you that the person you are with loves you?