Confused....The Unconfused Remix

Yesterday was truly an interesting day. I didn't expect anything and got everything. There was one exit ramp to the "scenic route" that was open. I found myself pulling over and wondering if I should go there or continue on my "interstate" trek and make things happen.

I decided to put the top down - a metaphor for letting down my guard - and slowly proceeding down the off ramp. Things are beautiful so far on the "scenic route" but I am going to take it slow and enjoy everything about the route but also try to get to my destination as soon as possibly.

Openness is the key to making any relationship work whether it be work or social. Just keep the lines of communication open and whether it is good or bad news so the other will not be left wondering "what in the heck is going on?" later when the walls come tumbling down. A dumb question is one that is not asked as well on the others part. We all need to keep that one in mind.

I am still on My Journey. Waiting for a few things to happen to get me there but although my initial itinerary has changed, the destination is the same.

Confused

Today is a pretty good day. Got to chit chat with a few friends and I am still putting my plan into motion to make a life better for ME. I do feel that I am on the correct path for My Journey. However, I came up on a fork in the road last night that I didn't anticipate and I find myself still standing at this morning after. Even after consulting my "map", I am a little confused.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "confused" as - 1 a: being perplexed or disconcerted (i.e. the confused student); b: disoriented with regards to one's sense of time, place, or identity (i.e. the patient became confused); 2: Indistinguishable (i.e. a zigzag, crisscross, confused trail - Harry Hervey); 3: being disordered or mixed up (i.e. a contradictory or confused story). Although, I am on the path of My Journey, I do not feel that my confusion is related to the definition 2 (a confused trail). I think that I am more of definition number 1.

As I sat to gather my thoughts for this blog and I decided to play some music. The first song to come on is "Say Yes" by Floetry. Is someone trying to tell me something? Hello! Hello! There is more confusion now that I had earlier. Then I hit next and "All This Love" by DeBarge came on. Hey! Is this thing on? A little help down here!

To me, both paths at the fork lead to the same destination. It just depends on whether you want to travel the "scenic route" by the ocean or the bland existence of the "interstate"(that always seems to have exits back to the scenic route). LOL. I thought that was very clever.



The question I guess is which is truly the more miserable path? Would you rather take the "scenic route" that although great to explore, it may seem like it takes a longer time to get to the destination you want. Or do you take the "interstate" where it is boring with no excitement but seems just as long because there is nothing to break the monotony? I am sure others will have different interpretations but for the decision at hand, these choices work for me for the situation at hand and from my perspective.

You will not believe it but in the time it took me to write this blog entry, I have found that I do not have to decide which path I should take. It has been decided for me already. I will stay on the interests (and I get the impression that all the exits to the "scenic routes" as well are closed as well).

Happy Motoring to all and don't forget to fuel up. Don't know when the next stop will be.

Always Making the Tough Decisions...

Again, I do not usually use this forum for my own personal baggage but just like the theme of my blog, I write about My Journey and the things that make me Daryl. I always hope that someone who does take the time to read it will understand me better as a person. I write on matters that I feel strongly about and inspire me to express my thoughts.

I have one of those jobs that sometimes you have to make the tough decisions. some of them harder than others. I may have to discipline a co-worker to the point that they lose a job, tell a guest or visitor that they can't have something, or send someone to the court system because they have broken a rule in "My House". (Reference the mantra of my department "Protect This House").

After a little soul searching I had to make another hard choice. Truly letting something go.

I am sure that everyone has met that person that is the light in your day. Someone that adds some meaning in your life that you never knew that you missed until they stepped into it. Someone who is a teacher without even knowing thety are teaching you anything. Well I (with sheer good luck) had a person like that.

Unfortunately, after some time and some soul searching of their own, things changed. I am not one who begs and pleads for someone to want me and I never will. Not because I am cocky or think that I am all that - very far from it. I just believe if someone wants to be around me for me, in some part, nothing else matters. Now, that person has a perfectly good reason for their change (which I totally accept and truly understand). There are some fights that you do not even try to get into because you will know the outcome.

I never want to "vilified" for the choices regarding me. If I am not seen as good for someone mentally, physically, or spiritually, there is no reason to be a part of that person. Love and affection is supposed to be a good thing if I remember correctly. No matter how good, sane, and true an argument is, however, the last thing you would want is to feel is that everything that was - was actually the work of something sinister. No matter how much it is explained to me, I guess I cannot see the forest through the trees. The simple fact that I cannot get around that makes me feel even more lacking in spiritual understanding because I can justify how things came to be and point out that I am not alone in a situation (although a little different).

By no means are minds going to be changed by this entry. Not even my goal. This is something that I just felt strongly enough to put on "paper". So with that I will refer back to my blog of yesterday, "Just Not My Week..." and leave it at that. Another tough decision.

Praying that those who have found love can hold onto it - together.

Just Not My Week....

This just does not seem to be my week for relationships. People seem to be exiting my immediate life this week. Got some news yesterday that one of my friends was parting ways. I did not see it coming whatsoever just like the first one earlier this week. Twice in one week, you have people that have some part in defining who you are or could be making an exit? Hope the week ends quickly before anyone else makes a run for the door.

Both were total surprises. Both seemed like they would be much longer term relationships. Both were people I respected and always felt that I could learn something from. Both had a part to drive me to be a better person and what I do in life.

Although I have more than enough strength to go on alone, it is hard to find people that affect your life like that. I will take the knowledge that I have learned from these two individuals and continue on my journey.

So with that thought, I bid them both Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehen, Shalom , Salam, Farvel, 再见, Hyvästi, Valete, Arrivederci, Ja ne, Adiós, Goodbye.

All Work and No Play Makes Daryl a Dull Boy

I don't normally use this venue to document the happenings of my EVERYDAY life but inspiration hit me this morning and just felt the need to put it on "paper".

It has been a hectic two weeks at work. Ty Pennington, a slew of US Congressmen and Congresswomen, a contingent of Federal Police Officers and Special Agents, and various VIP's that graced us with the opportunity to give them a glimpse of the hospitality of Montgomery. Also, the dealing with additional safety enhancements being made to the building to make it safer for the guests and associates was being put into place and is ongoing.

I found myself in a position that I did not think that I would be when I took this job - WORKING ALL THE TIME like I did with my old job. Don't get me wrong, I am going to do what it takes to make sure that the mission is complete and I do enjoy my work. But I find myself unfulfilled because I was not able to enjoy any interests outside of work and I always wonder how much that deteriorates everything else. In worrying about stuff outside of work, I put more of myself into work to keep myself busy to not worry about stuff outside of work. Doesn't make a bit of sense, I know.

Well I hope that over the next few days I will be able to get some rest and spend some time on those matters that I hold dear to me and get back on track.

How Can You Tell She Loves You? Don't Wait for the Other Shoe...

Today, I was chatting with an online friend of mine. He is not one of my closest friends but I guess I was the only one online at the time so he needed to vent. We do not talk a lot so we have to do a lot of catch up when we happen to be online at the same time.

We were talking about relationships and how to make them work. One of the questions that popped up was - "how can I tell if she loves me?" He is not an insecure man at all from what I know about him - college educated and working on another degree, got his own place and car, no baby mama drama (meaning he doesn't have any children running around out there), and a good job with potential for growth. So needless to say, that question kind of took me by surprise. I told him the same answer that I told my brother when he was thinking about asking his now wife to marry him - "it is different for everyone." But I told him that for myself, it is the little things that show how much you care.

I am a simple guy so little thought is required for me. One does not have to go through any over the top display for me, the simple fact that you thought about me makes me feel good. No, I am not desperate, just try to keep it simple. I hate to brag on myself but there was a very appealing woman seeking my attention last night while I was working but there would have been dire consequences on many fronts if I opened that box - no pun intended.

An invitation - a date, to come over, to get some "shuga" - yes I said "shuga" not sugar; an initiation - to touch, to kiss, to plan an event, to take a trip, to make love, to drop a line or make a call; a sharing - of their dreams, of their thoughts; of their life. Well for a simple guy, I might be more difficult than I thought after I wrote it. LOL. As long as I do not feel all the effort of the relationship is from my end, I feel loved. I guess my problem is that I do not assume anything. I think it comes from the job really - "just the facts ma'am, nothing but the facts".

Call it crazy that I think that way. If someone, who you are in a deep relationship with, takes time out of what they are doing to let you know that you are on their mind and they gain absolutely nothing from it, it is a good thing.

Then he drop some more on me. The relationship, in his opinion and heart, was going good, but it was too good to be true. I guess he was going on that old saying, "if it looks too good to be true, then it is." I will have to admit that I have been there a time or two. Waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I always remember when everything was all exciting and new and PERHAPS maybe the "newness" wore off on her before me and then things change. You cannot judge a brand spanking new relationship with one that is several months or years old. I had to learn that lesson myself. Some have called me a romantic at heart so I guess I am one of those guys that loves that newness and want to keep it alive with that person all the time along with building something stable and sustainable with them at the same time. Not always the easiest task but it takes a little effort sometimes.

I am no psychologist or anything like that but all I could do was tell him that if you think that way, you will never enjoy the love of this person.

What do you think? This goes for both sexes - what indicates to you that the person you are with loves you?

It is Jealousy or Crazy?

I am a person who believes a little jealousy, when it comes to your significant other, is a good thing. In moderation, it is a way that you can show another how much you mean to them and want them in your life. Not in a smothering way like the Bugs Bunny and the Abominable Snowman cartoon. (Yes, I had to reference that cartoon.)



Ask yourself these two questions and comment on your choice of an answer. If the answer is not one of those listed, write your own and advise why.

When you find that your significant other appears to be jealous of some attention (innocent or not) by another person towards you, what process goes through your head?

1. What is wrong with them? Nothing wrong with a little flirting.

2. Awww, isn't that cute, he/she is getting a little upset about this person. He/She must care about me.

3. I don't know why he/she is jealous. They could never be as good as this person checking me out.

4. Dang, I must have "put it on 'em" because now they are acting crazy.

5. Uh oh! This person better leave me alone before they feel the wrath of my significant other.

Well if it was 4 or 5, you may need to get away from this person quick before they find you in a shallow grave missing your arms and legs.

What do you think when your significant other never appears to get jealous of the attention (innocent or not) you may receive from another person?

1. He/She must believe our love is so wonderful that nothing can come between us.

2. They know that there is nothing wrong with a little flirting. Go ahead and look.

3. Go ahead check him/her out all you want. I know I got the best looking guy/gal in here.

4. I am not worried - I got that "good good" and they will be coming back for more.

5. They must not care as much for me as they say they do or led me to believe.

6. Oh, he/she must think that they are all that and a bag of chips and that I can't just find someone better than them.

So what do you think? Is a little jealousy healthy for a relationship? Why?

Should the Past Be the Past?

I was checking my FEEDJIT Live Traffic option and found a very curious search to get to my blog. Basically, the search was "dealing with my girlfriend's past, black guys." I found that quite interesting. I would make the assumption that the person doing the search was not black. Then it got me thinking, when in a relationship, should the past be the past? What do you NEED to know regarding someone you are having a relationship with? Does the type of relationship you have present the deciding factor on what information needs to be put out there (if any)?

Most men I know, do not want to know. I guess this is another case of me being "The Exception" because I am naturally curious. Of course it starts when you are getting to know each other and you may ask questions such as "what do you look for in a person?"; "had any long term relationships?"; "have you ever been with a woman?"; "am I the 'biggest' man you have been with?" (Okay, referring back to my blog "Female Teachers Gone Wild or Crazy", that third question is because it is in our male DNA to think that. And fellas, that last question, you really don't want to know the answer to that one unless you can star in your own porn movies.)

I have come to find out that if the person you are with is willing to tell you (on their own) all the deep dark secrets and show you the bones in their closet, they want to be up front and open with you. They do not want anything from their past to come up and be misconstrued as something that it is not. Take it for what it is worth, this person might see you as "The One" and don't want to lose you by hiding anything from you. You, as a man, should come clean too if she is willing to let you know about things before you.

Some men cannot take that the fact that this person in their life might have actually had a life before them. Look at yourself before you attempt to judge another (which you should not do anyway). I have said this before and I will say it again, women are sexual beings just like men. They have needs and urges just like us. Sometimes those things might be outside of our realm of thinking but remember they are with you now and sharing everything with you now.

Of course, I cannot speak for every relationship. This is only what I know personally. So the question is, should the past be the past? Women who might see this, do you want to know the past of your man (or woman)? (Yes, I went there again, I told you it is in our DNA.) Would you tell your man on your own about everything? What makes you decide to tell him?