Digging Up Underneath the Family Tree

For the last few years, I have been working on my Family Tree. This would include the Williams', which is my mother's side and the Toney's, which is my father's side of the family. I have been reaching out to other family members in cyberspace to get the 411 on who is living, who has gone, who is married, who had kids, what is everyone's REAL name, and the locations of all these significant events.

I have been using Ancestry.com to keep all my information. Their website is the easiest to use and also can back up the information I am getting with documentation (i.e., census records, Social Security Death Index, obituaries, and other family trees). Another source that I have found so useful are funeral announcements. It is almost comical but when someone passes, EVERYBODY has got to be put on the funeral announcement.

The other resource that truly is amazing and definitely a joy to listen to are the elder members of the family. Hearing some of the stories of "how things were" gives you a vivid perspective of who we are and how we got here. But a stumbling block I have run into every now again with the "older crowd" is that they do not want to talk about the past.

Everyone has secrets and skeletons. I have relatives that have had children outside of the marriage or that they had a child when they were 13 or 14 years old. It happens today just like it happened back in the day - just now, it is harder to hide. I do not understand the need for secrets when it comes to knowing who you are and where you came from. I have a cluster of family members in a single geographic area and it would be nice to know if that one of my cousins is not hollerin' at a girl who is closely related.

Speaking from the point of viewpoint of a lover of History, documenting your heritage is something that everyone should do to help you understand what makes you you. Who knows, you may find out that you are related to someone famous (or infamous).

Should the Past Be the Past?

I was checking my FEEDJIT Live Traffic option and found a very curious search to get to my blog. Basically, the search was "dealing with my girlfriend's past, black guys." I found that quite interesting. I would make the assumption that the person doing the search was not black. Then it got me thinking, when in a relationship, should the past be the past? What do you NEED to know regarding someone you are having a relationship with? Does the type of relationship you have present the deciding factor on what information needs to be put out there (if any)?

Most men I know, do not want to know. I guess this is another case of me being "The Exception" because I am naturally curious. Of course it starts when you are getting to know each other and you may ask questions such as "what do you look for in a person?"; "had any long term relationships?"; "have you ever been with a woman?"; "am I the 'biggest' man you have been with?" (Okay, referring back to my blog "Female Teachers Gone Wild or Crazy", that third question is because it is in our male DNA to think that. And fellas, that last question, you really don't want to know the answer to that one unless you can star in your own porn movies.)

I have come to find out that if the person you are with is willing to tell you (on their own) all the deep dark secrets and show you the bones in their closet, they want to be up front and open with you. They do not want anything from their past to come up and be misconstrued as something that it is not. Take it for what it is worth, this person might see you as "The One" and don't want to lose you by hiding anything from you. You, as a man, should come clean too if she is willing to let you know about things before you.

Some men cannot take that the fact that this person in their life might have actually had a life before them. Look at yourself before you attempt to judge another (which you should not do anyway). I have said this before and I will say it again, women are sexual beings just like men. They have needs and urges just like us. Sometimes those things might be outside of our realm of thinking but remember they are with you now and sharing everything with you now.

Of course, I cannot speak for every relationship. This is only what I know personally. So the question is, should the past be the past? Women who might see this, do you want to know the past of your man (or woman)? (Yes, I went there again, I told you it is in our DNA.) Would you tell your man on your own about everything? What makes you decide to tell him?