What a Monday....

You know, many people dread Mondays because it is the beginning of the work week. I am usually off on Sunday and Monday from work and I am a morning person anyways so I am normally not hit with the Monday "blahs". I woke up today feeling a little useless and insignificant due to some changes going on with my life. Seeing people not actually need you around is a little disheartening. But "don't cry for me Argentina" because the type of personality I have, I can usually work through it with some sense of ease.

Well as I was working through these issues this morning, I am compounded with more stuff. So what first started out as a rather uncharacteristic bad Monday has gotten up from the ten count and has hit me with a series of body blows and upper cuts like Mike Tyson's Punch Out.



I, by every stretch of the imagination, am not perfect. Never claimed to be and to me there is only one "perfect one". If there is criticism to be accepted about something I do (or don't do), I can take it. Trust me, I can. But one of the things that I have found out in my professional and personal life is that with criticism comes some praise about something. I look back as I write this and I hope that any time I offered any criticism to anyone that I also offer some sort of "goodness" about them. But the other thing that got me today was not the criticism itself but I got "labeled" in the same manner as another person who has demonstrated the same behaviors as I was said to have had by that same person. I truly do not believe there was malice in what was said to me but never the less it hurt.

I hate to say that I am writing this entry from a bad place and as it seems that the "blackness" of this feeling is overtaking me, I have pulled out this book my mother sent me for my birthday to help me find find my way on my Journey. The book is "Promises from God for Men". I look to the "Confidence" section and a piece of scripture stands out to me "The Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." Proverbs 3:26. Literally, I take it to mean that he will keep me from tripping and feeling shame and unworthiness.

As I have said before, I am not one to be outwardly spiritual. I am not ashamed to be a believer in Him. I know He is there for me. The Journey will be bumpy and with quite a few twists and curves but I hope that no matter what, I am at peace when i get to the end.

I am back!

For those of you who follow my blog - not many at this point (LOL) - I have returned. I am working on a few private things in my life so I may not be able to put up some good blogs in the near future but hope to make a jump back to my normally cheerful self.

Make some dramatic changes in my life and looks like I am having to make a new start on things (some of which are beyond my control). Definitely feeling alone on this part of the Journey will limited resources for comfort. I guess it goes to the old adage, "God does not give you more than you can handle". Let's hope that saying holds true.

Since my last blog, this openness thing - not all that it is cracked up to be. But I am finding out that it is essential in the people you come in contact with in life. I have been told that I am a person that people feel comfortable talking to - honestly and openly. Some times I use that to my advantage when I am interviewing a prospective employee.

Just been keeping busy with work and working on my new game plan for life. Hope this blogs finds all of you well. Out of here...

Confused

Today is a pretty good day. Got to chit chat with a few friends and I am still putting my plan into motion to make a life better for ME. I do feel that I am on the correct path for My Journey. However, I came up on a fork in the road last night that I didn't anticipate and I find myself still standing at this morning after. Even after consulting my "map", I am a little confused.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "confused" as - 1 a: being perplexed or disconcerted (i.e. the confused student); b: disoriented with regards to one's sense of time, place, or identity (i.e. the patient became confused); 2: Indistinguishable (i.e. a zigzag, crisscross, confused trail - Harry Hervey); 3: being disordered or mixed up (i.e. a contradictory or confused story). Although, I am on the path of My Journey, I do not feel that my confusion is related to the definition 2 (a confused trail). I think that I am more of definition number 1.

As I sat to gather my thoughts for this blog and I decided to play some music. The first song to come on is "Say Yes" by Floetry. Is someone trying to tell me something? Hello! Hello! There is more confusion now that I had earlier. Then I hit next and "All This Love" by DeBarge came on. Hey! Is this thing on? A little help down here!

To me, both paths at the fork lead to the same destination. It just depends on whether you want to travel the "scenic route" by the ocean or the bland existence of the "interstate"(that always seems to have exits back to the scenic route). LOL. I thought that was very clever.



The question I guess is which is truly the more miserable path? Would you rather take the "scenic route" that although great to explore, it may seem like it takes a longer time to get to the destination you want. Or do you take the "interstate" where it is boring with no excitement but seems just as long because there is nothing to break the monotony? I am sure others will have different interpretations but for the decision at hand, these choices work for me for the situation at hand and from my perspective.

You will not believe it but in the time it took me to write this blog entry, I have found that I do not have to decide which path I should take. It has been decided for me already. I will stay on the interests (and I get the impression that all the exits to the "scenic routes" as well are closed as well).

Happy Motoring to all and don't forget to fuel up. Don't know when the next stop will be.

Blessed Sunday...With Even More Questions

Today was a great day to celebrate life and the fact that I have God in my life. Could he be more in my life? Most definitely. I was very moved by the Message today in church. The church home that I have found has opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. I have always known and believed there is a greater power in life and I am slowly asking more questions to make sure that I am on the path that I know I need to be on.

I have done things that I know that are not right in the Eyes of the Lord. I always believed in man's free will and that God will always be there to catch us when we "fall". I also felt that God, no matter how much it may appear to be against his Word, guides us to the people, situations, and circumstances that we all run into in our Journeys. Kind of a "having your cake and eating it too" way of thinking I supposed. Definitely not saying that God lead me to do a bad thing. But that good or bad, there is a reason why He has put me here. I do not think He does it to "test" me - he does not have time for games such as that.


I ask myself to be a Christian Black Man, what do I have to change about me? Do I stop listening to old school Hip Hop and Rap music that may have lyrics that you certainly wouldn't play in church? Do I not listen to a comedian that tells a dirty joke and laugh? Do I not watch a movie that have sexual themes and nudity (not porn nudity)? Simple questions but a stupid question is one that does not get asked. Does that make you a bad Christian if I partake of any of that above? Do you have to ask for forgiveness every time you feel like you might have gone against God's Word? So many questions.

Yesterday and today, a fleeting thought, that perhaps anyone else would be find meaningless, had me in tears. Why is that? Is that God telling me something? Am I just too dang sensitive? LOL. I don't know.

The answers are there. I look to Him to continue to guide me and protect me as I take this path in My Journey.

Look At Me Now....See What You Could Have Had

A co-worker and I were having a discussion last night on old girlfriends. This stemmed from us being on Facebook and me coming in contact with an old girlfriend online. We talked about how our significant others would react to something like that - his would probably give him a knock up side the head and mine does not seem to be bothered too much about it at all. (Of course there some back stories to their reactions that I will not get into in this blog).

Every person has been through this (and if you are deny it, you are a big fat liar). You run into an old girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/significant other. The first thing you do is to assess how you were then and how you are now. You hope that you have made positive strides in your life. That can range from your appearance, your social status, your occupation, your financial worth, your responsibilities, your sexual expertise (yeah, I said it), you new significant other (if you have one), and other factors you can gauge into the assessment.

If you are doing well, you want that person to know that you have actually "grown up". If it was a breakup where you got rejected, you want them to know that you have "moved on" or "see what they could have had". Then there is the "what would have happened if" thought. It is not something you take any stock or seriousness in but you do wonder what if your journey turned out different. Of course, in the back of your mind, you hope that if you had cut this person loose that they are not doing better (as if breaking up with you made their whole life go downhill). I actually know someone who has left a few drowning in her wake. LOL.

I have been re-introduced to at least three ex-girlfriends over the years - only one in person. I have always been serious with my relationships so I never had the I have "grown up" thought. I have never had a truly bad break up to get the "see what they could have had" thought. And I have rarely had the "what would have happened if" thought because I feel that this is the Journey I was supposed to take.

So, do you have an Ex that you would love to show your current life to? Have you had an Ex that you have seen and had the "what would have happened if" thought?