40 years and still kicking...

Well last Wednesday was my 40th birthday. After a few days of trying it on, it fits me well. I don't really feel any different. Some people made it out to be a milestone but I still kind of feel it just another notch in life - somewhat.

I look back at the 40 years of my life and I ponder if I did some things different, where would I be today. I think everyone takes a moment to do a "Retrospective of the History of Their Life" at some point and I guess mine was at 40 years of age. By no means I hope that this is a halfway point for me. I still believe I will live forever. Some of the older memories are a little blurry but they have been some great ones (and some not so much). No one wants to remember the negative or bad things but if you had the power to change the past, you might wipe out all the truly positive moments of your life.

Everyone has done things that they are very proud of and other stuff that you hope never saw the light of day; met people that made a profound change in their lives and those that you wish would fall off the face of the Earth; and hopefully made a positive mark for society or on people that have run across your path. You hope that you are an individual and not just like everyone else.



Not to be vain, but many people I have run across are surprised that I am 40 years old like that is something ancient. Last night at work I ran into several acquaintances that I hadn't seen in some months and they made it a point to compliment me how good I looked and how sharp I was looking and kept driving it home. I try not get a big head about it but it is nice for people to say things like that since I am getting "old and decrepit." Even got a very loud "Wow" from a female friend who found out how old I had just turned on my birthday. Talk about an ego booster.

We take a break for a reference from "Ego" by Beyonce' -

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
He talk like this 'cause he can back it up

He got a big ego, such a huge ego
I love his big ego, it's too much
He walk like this 'cause he can back it up.

Now back our regularly scheduled blog.

There are still some things I want in life and hopefully I will be able to make those dreams come true. I hope that perhaps I touch for a few more lives in a positive way. I hope to still learn something new everyday (and hopefully not forget it). I hope that I continue to march to the beat of my own drum. I have been truly blessed with a lot of things and continue to be grateful for anything put my way. To put it in a nutshell, I just hope....

I want to thank all of those who took the time out of their busy lives and schedules to wish me a Happy 40th Birthday. In this time where it seems like life is running 100 mile per hour with really bad brakes, it was nice that I ran across people's minds even for a few minutes. I hope to enjoy many, many more.

And the Father Is?

I am going to tell you a little story and see what you think about it?

I have a friend who has a kid. He married the child's mother so it is really his stepchild and has been for quite some time. Even years before he married the child's mother, he was there for the mother and the child. He has clothed this child, fed this child, taken the child to doctor's appointments and school functions, and all the other things a "real" parent is supposed to do. He remembers when the child was much younger and the "biological" father would make plans to pick the child up to spend time and would never show up. The child would be upset for days and my friend could not understand why because he (for all intensive purposes) has been the "father" and the child was crying for someone that she didn't even know. It upset him probably just as much as it upset the child.

Now, the child's "biological" father does not live in the area and hasn't for years. He has a "new family". He almost never calls to check up on the child. He doesn't pay ANY child support at this time. He doesn't have shared custody. The "biological" has family where my friend lives and when he is in town, he doesn't come and visit his child and when he does, it is for minutes. All communication with the "biological" seems to be initiated by the child. My friend and the child's mother has NEVER hindered this child to talk to or visit the "biological." My friend has tolerated the "biological" when he decides to be a "father" when it is convenient to him. - his M.O. for years.

Now, let's up skip to yesterday evening. My friend tells me that he and the child's mother are disciplining his stepchild because the child is on restriction. The child just so happens to be on the phone, which was actually breaking one of the terms of the restriction, with the "biological" father and the "biological" must have heard it over the phone. The stepchild gets off the phone and the phone is taken away. A voicemail alert comes up and my friend decides to listen to the message. Can you guess who it was? It was the "biological" telling him how he should not be talking to his child like that and if he has a problem with that to contact him and talk to him like that. What the fuck?

This man has decided now to TRY to flex his long lost parental power. My friend could not believe it. The nerve of him telling him how to run his household. The "biological" didn't even hear that the child's mother was talking too but just because my friend's voice was louder, that is all he heard through the phone. It sounded like the "biological" is calling out the man that stepped up to be "the man" for the child that he basically "abandoned".

My friend is not wanting to get into a bullshit contest with this man even though he is right. (Or at least I believe he is.) He is trying not to become a wedge in between this man and his "abandoned" child. The biological's actions was so disturbing and upsetting that it took everything for the child's mother to keep from telling this child the "real deal and truth" about their father which is some harsh stuff. There has never been any baby mama/baby daddy drama in this blended family before.

Why do some men do this? They don't do anything for a child they fathered but want to lash out at the man that stepped up to be the man they can't seem to be for that child.